Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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