John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
