it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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