The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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