he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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