A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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