glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
