see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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