you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
