I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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