Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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