a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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