Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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