Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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