Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
