that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
