I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
