I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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