Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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