Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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