Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
organizing the empties. That sober.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
