Kiss
Puke
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize