just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
