is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
