Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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