ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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