Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
