So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize