Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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