It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
