I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
