she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
