You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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