chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
