I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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