just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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