i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
