We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
