Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize