drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
