I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
