i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cat gives me a boner
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
