terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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