1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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