It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
