why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
