Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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