I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
