I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize