good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
