i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
