just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
