My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
