I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
