Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
