i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize