Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
