At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
