conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
