Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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