I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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