I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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