Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
