I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
