She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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