do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
