saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
