I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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