I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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