i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
