The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
