I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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