I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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