He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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