I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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