omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
