My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize