Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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